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Friday May 9,2008

On Children and Death

reviewed by Mark Holofcener

"They (our children) have just preceded us in the evolutionary journey all of us are on; they are with their former playmates (as they call them), or guardian angels; they are with family members who preceded them in death and are unable to miss you as you miss them since they are unable to feel any negative feelings. The only thing that stays with them is the knowledge of love and care that they have received and of the lessons they have learned during their physical life." Excerpt from the book

Having lost a child myself, I find this book be helpful in that it reminds me that this process of life and death happens to everyone and it is our task to let go and try and appreciate the time we did have together.

There are chapters on letting go, suicide, sudden death, alternative treatments (visualization), loss as a catalyst for growth and understanding, and spiritual aspects of work with dying children. The topics discussed cover the range of emotions and feelings associated with dying children.

There wasn't anything in particular that really got to me and immediately made me feel okay, but it was like having a nice wave wash over me and enjoying the feeling and sensation. It's sad reading about the death of children, and certainly reminds me of my own loss, but it's also obvious that I'm not the only one who has suffered this loss and that death will come to us all one day. That thought wouldn't be of much help to me in the foggy months after my son's death, but now with some time to reflect, I am better able to accept the inevitable loss.

On Children and Death is a major addition to the classic works of Elisabeth Kubler-Ross. Based on a decade of working with dying children, this compassionate book offers the families of dead and dying children the help-and hope-they need to survive.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has lost a child.

Mark is the author of Evan's Earthly Adventure and a regular reviewer for Beyond Indigo.