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Monday May 12,2008

A horrible loss

by Xinfinityo

I have a brother who is a year and a half older than me. We have always been somewhat close, from the time when we'd both stay up late for Santa Claus up until the day he left for the Marines.

He started dating this girl named Hillary when he was a senior in high school and she was only a junior. I was a freshman at the time, and felt a connection with Hillary the second I was introduced. The air got thick between Hillary and my brother after their two-year relationship started taking a turn for the worse, and surprisingly it worked out for me when they broke up.

After they went their seperate ways, Hillary and I started talking more. At first we hung out just to keep in touch, but the more we hung out the more I loved to be around her. After she graduated high school she spent her summer in town hanging out with people she wouldn't see for a while. On our last movie date I cried to Hillary. I had this feeling inside that we would never hang out again.

I wasn't sure if it was because she was leaving, and I was afraid the school year would go by super slow, or if she was going to move on and not want to hang out with a "high schooler" after she turned out to be a big shot in college. Well, the school year went by and we kept in touch. That summer when she came back for summer break, we promised each other we would go to the movies together sometime soon.

A week later, I woke up to a family meeting where my mother broke down after telling us that Hillary was in a car accident. She passed away. She was only 19! She was a best friend. She was a hero. She was an older sister that I never really got the chance to have. She was my past, she was a role model.

It turned out that the other driver in the accident was the cause of Hillary's death. She got drunk before she got behind the wheel, but ironically enough walked away from the accident harm-free. To this day I ask repeatedly in my head why it all seems so unfair. Hillary was going to college to be a neonatal nurse. She wanted to HELP people. She had everything in order and in the end lost the battle of life to someone who doesn't even appreciate LIFE.

It's been a little over a year and half since the accident. To this day EVERYTHING reminds me of Hillary. Driving, rain, music, clothes, laughter, smiles, LIFE. It hurts too bad. Nothing seems to help the pain.

Is it normal to be so depressed for so long after? Is it normal to have such a hard time getting over the death of a friend? So many questions have been left unanswered. So many lives are being wasted on stupid mistakes. So many of my tears are being wasted with these thoughts. Will it ever get better?

My name is Shari and I am 19. Death is my worst fear, and it has changed me for the worse.