Welcome Guest
Join here
Members Log-In
Privacy Policy

Monday May 12,2008

10 years can go before the blink of an eye.

by Lizzy

10 years is a long time, a very long time.

My name is Lizzy and I'm 17 (soon to be 18 yey!), and I've been through something which I wouldn't wish on anyone...my dad died when I was 7, and it'll be 10 years tomorrow since that day. I thought that I should finally let everything out; how I feel about it. I haven't really been able to talk about it much and I think that's why I feel the way I do now. Anyway...

10 years ago tomorrow I was on holiday with my mum, dad, and two older sisters (19 and 22 now). We always went to this place, every summer since we were very little, but since that horrible day we haven't been back there.

Anyway, one thing I remember from that holiday is one night that we had in the apartment we stayed in, I can't remember whether it was the night before my dad died, but it was a special night. We were all sat out on the balcony playing cards like we used to do, when someone called out, "I just saw a shooting star!" and we turned our heads and looked upwards. It was so beautiful. All you could see were stars and more stars (shooting and ordinary :)) It was such a magical night, that even now I can't help but smile when I think about it, through the tears. That may have been the last time were all together as a family, the four of us.

Another memory I have of that holiday, is one of laughter, splashing in the pool, and having fun with two girls that we made friends with on holiday. We were all in the pool, me, my dad, two sisters and these two girls, and I remember in turn we would get onto each other's shoulders and try and fight the other pair and push them over. I remember how much fun we had.

The other memory I have of that holiday is the day my dad died. I know people say that you shouldn't live with regrets, but this one day is the biggest regret I'll ever have; I never got to say goodbye. I remember coming out of the room I’d been in, and seeing my dad sat on the couch motionless, he was still alive but hardly moving. I remember his face. God, if I could turn back time I would have at least hugged him, kissed him, just do anything to show him how much I care about him.

But I was led away, and because I was so young I didn't put up a fight, I didn't know what was happening. I remember that me and my sisters were taken to our friend's house and I remember sitting with my two sisters waiting and wondering what was happening. We were told that daddy had been taken to hospital and that mummy was there looking after him.

Hours later, my mum was brought in being held up, all she could say was, "I'm so sorry girls, he's gone I couldn't do anything." She kept repeating that, and in that moment we all knew he was gone.

After that I don't remember much. I don't remember my 8th birthday in September, I don't remember our first Christmas without him, and too be honest I don't think I should. I don't want to be able to remember the loneliness and pain.

All that I've written so far has been pretty sad, but I do have so many happy memories about my dad. I feel loved by him with every day that passes, and I will for the rest of my life. No one can replace him, and I wouldn't want anyone to. He was and still is my dad. I do have days when I feel so lonely about it, the fact he won't be here to celebrate with me when I’m 18, or take me off to uni, or take me down the aisle when i get married, or hold his grandchildren...etc etc the list goes on. But I know he's here and will always be; he's in my heart and head, encouraging me, loving me and that will never change.

I love my dad so much, and I just needed to get this all off my chest and I feel a great weight has been lifted. 10 years is a long time, but I've got the rest of my life to make him proud and show him what he lived for; his girls. Even though that fact that we won’t be here for the rest of my life, hurts me so much, Im learning to deal with it. I'm learning with every day that goes by, just how to deal with it.

I know he's smiling down on me, so even though 10 years has past, I know he's still here with me :)

Thank you for listening xxx

10 years ago tomorrow my dad died...I was 7. I wrote this on August 28, 2005.