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Monday May 12,2008

19 September 2004

by Marie

I was living a charmed life. Matt and I had traveled around the world, got engaged in Mexico, I had just graduated from Penn State University, we were getting married 2 April 2005, we had more plans to travel in less than a year, my sister just got married, Matt's brother (Jon) was getting married soon, and his sister and her husband were exspecting their second child.

I was living the life every little girl dreams of. I had a wonderful, amazing, tall, dark, hansome, and extremely funny man. I loved my degree, and I had a puppy. Matt and I were so happy. He still gave me butterflies when he kissed me after almost six years, and I was so excited for him to come home every day I felt like I was going to burst.

On 18 September 2004 Matt along with some of Jon's friends went and Jon went out to celebrate Jon's upcoming wedding. Tammy and I decided to go out to dinner if the boys were going to be out. We ended up spending the whole night telling each other how lucky we were to have Matt or Jon and not matter what happened in our lives we could get through it because we had Matt or Jon.

I spoke with Matt around 11:30 p.m. and they were still having fun. Then Matt called me at 12:41 a.m. to tell me that his phone was going to die, so he was going to turn it off and not to worry. I asked him to come home and he responded in a very caring and confident voice, "We'll be home soon." We said our usual goodbye, told each other I love you, and that was the last time I spoke to him.

Tammy and I were awakened by her doorbell sometime around 7:30 a.m. on 19 September 2004. I jumped out of bed, ran down the steps thinking, "Jon where are your keys?" I must have answered the door with a smile because I was sure it was Matt and Jon. Instead it was my mother and she told me, "Matt and Jon died in a car accident last night."

It is impossible to think that you will ever have your mother standing in front of you telling you your life is over. I feel I am just existing now...just taking up space.

Matt and I were perfect for each other. We fit so well we were almost one. We had our own interests and loves, but most of all we were together. One of my favorite stories of us is when one of our friends first met Matt for a couple weeks she thought his name was Matt Murry, because every time someone said his name it was followed by mine (Matt and Marie).

Matt made me want to get up every morning, explore, make an adventure out of everyday. Matt taught me what it is to be truly loved. We told each other all the time how lucky we were to have one another, we said, "I love you" to one another close to 50 times a day. We actually danced in the kitchen without music, more than once. We played football in his parents backyard the weekend before and I had a skirt and heels on. I thought people in movies only did stuff like that, but if you are truly, honestly in love you will do it too.

I feel so lost with out him here with me. I know God has a greater plan, but it doesn't matter how many times I tell myself that...it does not make it better.

We had so many dreams, so many plans. I always wanted to be a mother, a wife, and when I met Matt I wanted it even more. Matt brought the best out in me...I just don't know what to do without him.

People keep saying to me, "You're so young...you have your whole life ahead of you"...but what does that mean? To me it is still question to add to the million I ask myself every day and like the others it has no answer.

I am 24 years old trying to get over the death of my greatest love, my soulmate, my fiancee'.