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Monday May 12,2008

16 going on 90

by Brandimichelle28

Growing up I had a very rough childhood. When I was very young, 4-10 years old, I'd get woken up by the cries of my mom and the screams of my dad. I'd storm down my bedroom steps as loud as I could and when I'd make it down the steps I'd see my dad hitting my mom. I would throw things and scream and hit my dad, anything to get them to stop fighting. I'd cry and cry and cry. When it would finally stop my mom would tuck me into bed and we sit in my room crying together.

As I got older whenever they fought and he would hit my mom I would scream at him and tell him, "I'm leaving" and tell him I hated him just to get him to stop going after my mom he started to go after me before long. One time it was so bad that he had me on the floor in my room, he was kicking me in the side, and he slammed my head against my metal bedframe. I had a knot on my head and I called children's services.

I got taken away for a couple days and when I returned things seemed better. My dad didn't realize the severity of what he had done until Children's Services came to our home the next day, because everytime he ever came after me or my mom he was drunk, and I mean really drunk.

Things got good for awhile, until he came home drunk again one night. He hit my mom and after he passed out on the couch we all left to stay at my nana's house, my mom's mom. He had called there, it was the first place he checked, after he called saying he was going to come get us, we called the police and they followed us to a hotel.

Everything was okay until very early the next morning. The hotel phone rang at about 4:00 a.m. I sat up immediately I was scared. He had given up looking for us so he just went to work the next morning and on his way, he saw my mom's car in the hotel parking lot. He asked my mom to come down and talk and she did.

After that incident, my dad quit drinking. I was almost 15 yrs old. He stopped going to his friend Doug's house. It was there that he drank the most. He spent more time at home with me, my mom, and my brother. Not too long after, a girl from my school died in a car accident and about a month later one of my best friends died in a house fire. My dad was there to comfort me and to hold me like I was a little girl again and just let me cry. It was around this time that I actually had a DADDY again. I hadn't had that since I was a baby -- 3 years old.

When I had just turned 15 I was a stat keeper for our schools wrestlers, when our wrestling coach offered me $200-400 to take off my clothes and do a favor for him. I refused. I changed after that day, I was quieter, and alot more shy. When it came public that he did it to many other girls, my mom started asking questions. She asked if anything had happpend to me, I just broke down saying I didn't want to talk about it.

My mom told my dad, and also told him that I didnt want him to know. He always said I didn't look my age, I didn't want him to blame me. After he found out, he talked to me and told me how proud he was of me that I didn't give in to him. He also told me that it wasn't my fault and that he would respect my wishes to not tell anyone about it. I cried to him for about an hour and he sat there hugging me and comforting me.

For Spring Break 2004, we went to Cincinnati. We were looking at houses planning our move. Our new life was going to be in Cincinnati. My dad's dream. We had the most amazing week. My dad borrowed my hooded sweatshirt and put the hood up and started talking street. He kept saying, Whud up dawg, whud up G." It was the funniest thing.

Then we went down to the courtyard in our hotel, me my mom and my dad. My brother was in the pool. We were talking, and I told him that I'm so happy that he and mom never got a divorce because now I have a real daddy. We have a real family, we didn't have to pretend to be happy anymore. And I told him that my past made me who I am today and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Later he told me for the first time in my life that he was proud of the person I am becoming. Not just a decision I made but he told me he was proud of me!!!! I was so happy that my eyes started tearing. It was the best Spring Break of my life.

We spent Easter together with my whole family when we got back. And a week to the day after we got home from Spring Break, my dad and I got into a fight. I told him I hated him and called him an asshole. He went to his dad's house for awhile and we both cooled down. He was gone a really long time. I went to bed, and he still wasn't home. I woke up to my mom screaming. I thought one of our dogs got hit. I ran downstairs and saw flashlights shining in our front dooor, it was the police, They walked in and I asked if I could help them. They just stared at me like I had some sort of disease.

My mom came running out of her room from waking up my brother. She runs out to me crying saying, "He didnt make it Brandi, he didn't make it." I was just standing there like "Who didn't make what? Huh?" Then I looked around and realized my dad wasn't there. I screamed to the police, "Where is my dad?" Over and over again I screamed it and they continued just staring at me. My mom told me he didn't make it. I fell to the ground consumed with pain.

The last thing I said to him was that I hated him and that he was an asshole. I couldn't move. Finally I got up and ran outside I was going to go to the hospital and he was going to be okay. I ran down the road, and one of my dad's friends who was a paramedic came after me. I collapsed in the middle of the road. He helped me back to the house. I couldn't control myself. My mom and brother were hystarical but all I really remember from that night is all the pain that consumed me.

Turns out, my dad went to go say goodbye to his friend Doug, since we were going to move. And they drank. Doug let him leave. My dad was doing 70 down a country road when he saw a utility truck he swerved so he wouldn't hit it, but over corrected and went into a ditch The impact severed his spinal cord and he hit the windshield. He wasn't buckled so as the truck was flying out the other side of the ditch it tossed him out the passenger side window. The truck, which was 15 in the air came crashing down on top of him. He was dead instantly so he didn't feel all the horrible things.

Now I am 16. My dad missed me getting my license. And he was so excited to give me a bunch of tips. He is going to miss my high school graduation, which is next year. And he'll miss my wedding, his first grandchildren, my college graduation, and my first career. Not in that order. I have lived such a long life in just 16 years, sometimes I feel like a 90 year old in a 16 year old's body. I still have my whole life ahead of me. My dad's got taken away from him. He was only 33 years old when he died April 17, 2004. My mom is 33, my brother is 14, I am 16.

In memory of my loved and missed DADDY!

~Brandi~

Brandimichelle28 is a member of Beyond Indigo calls herself, "Fatherless Daughter."