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Monday May 12,2008

A saddening and sobering message from out here.

by Nezabudka2005

I would like to share an event that is neither extraordinary or tragic, but just simple message which made my life never the same again.

It happened in the summer of 2003, when I took a day time 30-40 minute nap in order to recharge myself. I usually put ear plug into my ears to isolate from outside noise, and not to be distracted, because I'm very sensitive to noise.

In a little a while when I was in deep sleep approximately for 20 minutes, suddenly I woke up not from noise or telephone call, but from sad sobering message literally sounded like that: "Do you know that eventually you're gonna die?!"

This message was heard by me in transition while I was sleepy and starting waking up. The message made its tremendous,psychological impact on me because I was in transitional stage between sleep and waking up. In this stage it seemed to me the message had 1000 times stronger, brighter, sharper meaning. It seemed to me that before this message I have never known that at the end of the life is death. Even though I knew it. I'm 43 years old woman, have a college degree. After that message I more often thinking about death, and along with that I have developed the death anxiety: fear of unknown, fear of non-existence.

Sometimes I have thoughts that it is easier to die right now so I will not face fear for many years down the road, but at the same time I'm so afraid to die. So I'm a prisoner of this wishes circle. In order to cope with that problem I look for the answers in the internet, trying to release this pressure. Thank you for reading it.

I came to USA from Russia 8 years ago. I live in Los Angeles.