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Tuesday May 13,2008

What should I do when I lose my girlfriend?

Continued

To answer your second question: How should I act when a friend's girlfriend dies? My advice is that you should simply continue being his friend and do for him the things that a friend would do. Don't be afraid of always needing to say the right thing, but be more concerned that you give him your physical presence and let him know that you are with him for as long as his grief journey may take. Talk with him about his girlfriend and encourage him to share the many memories he has of her. Say her name and share the memories you have of her with him.

Your last question makes it appear that there may be reason to think your own girlfriend may die. I'm hoping that is not the case but, if so, I encourage you to do things that are helpful to you. If you are more of an extrovert, I would encourage you to involve yourself with other individuals who have had a similar loss. If you are more of an introvert, I'd encourage you to share your thoughts and feelings through keeping a journal in which you can record your thoughts. I'd also encourage you to read some books about the grief experience so that you can have a better understanding of some of the things you are going through.

So, Reader from Belgium, I hope some of these thoughts have been of help to you.

Best wishes,

Paul

Paul V. Johnson, MA, is a consultant and trainer for business, industry, and educational institutions on issues related to loss and grief. He was formerly an Associate Professor of Sociology at Bethel College(MN) and Director of Aftercare Services for the Bradshaw Funeral Homes in the Twin Cities area. He has made presentations at the national conferences of major professional caregiving associations and is a member of the Association for Death Education and Counseling.