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Friday July 30,2010

My 23 year old brother died of a stroke

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I know I am healthy, BUT I have a heart murmur.

Dear Reader:

I am so sorry for your loss. Your brother was very young to have a stroke. Not only have you lost him, but the way he died has to have brought up fears about your own health.

First, while I think the symptoms you are having are panic symptoms, I'd still see your family doctor. That will reassure you.

Next, there's a very interesting way of measuring progress with grief. When you change from the "Why did this happen?" questions to "How can I cope or when will this end?" it means you are working through the grief process. But, everyone's grief process is different and truly your own. You can't judge your grief by anyone else's grief. In general, we say a big milestone is the one year mark. You've passed all the anniversaries by then. The sadness is still there but healing has begun. By the way, Father's Day is coming and that may be why things have gotten worse for you. And we just passed Mother's Day. While he was your brother, these anniversaries still affect people. If you pay attention to when the grief is the worst, you might begin to see a pattern of increase in your emotions when special holidays or anniversary times come along. Understanding that will help with the panic because you will know why you're hurting more at those times.

We have some very good grief articles on the site that you might like to read; also there is a section on the message board for posting about your grief. You may find that you get some responses that are very reassuring. This is a confidential site, so joining our group does not mean anyone else anywhere will be aware or bother you.

Bottom line is you are not alone, your grief is real. Allow yourself to feel it, and it won't come out as panic symptoms so easily. Talk about it with others. We're here; you may write again if you wish and we'll keep you in our prayers. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.

Blessings,

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.