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Friday May 9,2008

Letters to a Deceased Spouse

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I am writing a report on ways that individuals cope with the loss of a spouse. I was wondering if writing letters to the deceased spouse is normal for an individual and, if so, what sort of feelings does this settle? I would really appreciate your reply and any help that you could give me. Thank you very much.

Dear Reader:

Often when a loved one dies, there is unfinished business. To move ahead in the grief process and to heal, the unfinished businessneeds to be cleared away. Writing a letter is one of the tools frequentlysuggested to do this. Writing is a catharsis; it helps clarify feelings and it helps stop repetitive thinking about an issue.

When you lose someone, there may be a need to communicate the love that is still there, or to express feelings of unresolved anger, helplessness, guilt, resentment and forgiveness. Working through these feelings is part of the grief process. Writing is one of the therapeutic tools for doing this. We need closure and rituals like this can help with that. Thank you for raising this appropriate question.

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.