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Monday May 12,2008

Mad at my dad for dying

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

My father died April 26, 2000. I need to know why I am so mad at him for dying. I have barely been able to grieve his death because I am so mad at him for dying. If you could tell me or help me to understand why I am so mad him,it would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Reader:

You don't state your age or the circumstances, so I will start by just saying I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my father when I was 12, and there was a period of time that I went through anger with him for dying. If you check our article section, you will find information on the stages of grieving and one of them is anger. There may be some unfinished business between the two of you, some things you didn't get to say and that may be standing in the way of your mourning him.

But I guess the most important thing that I want to say is that a period of anger is normal in the grieving process. If you would like to write back and share any additional information that might help me answer more completely, I would be very happy to have you do that. Also, check our message board. There is a place for people to post on just that issue: anger and depression. Our article section will have some very helpful information about the stages of grief that I think will allow you to feel that this may not be so abnorma. Finally, you might like to visit one of our grief chat sessions. If you continue to feel stuck in this stage, then it may be time to talk to a professional grief counselor to help you work through the feelings you are having.

There's more I could share but I get the feeling that there's something more you haven't yet shared that may explain a little more fully your anger. But for now, please know it is a part of the grief process and we eventually do move beyond this stage.

Blessings

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.