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Friday July 30,2010

Loss of Son, Angry Daughter

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb,

I am so glad I found this site, My son, who was 2 1/2 years old, passed away March 5th 2000. He was a very ill little boy all of his life, but I never dreamed that it would be now that he would go home to God. I miss him so much, and now have to cope with his older sister, who is 6 years old, who now hates everyone and everything because her brother has died. If anyone can help me please e-mail me soon.

Dear Reader,

Our Guest book moderator forwarded your letter to me to answer. I'm Deb and I'm one of the "Ask the Expert" responders. I am so sorry to hear that you have lost your son. I think the death of a child has to be one of the hardest tragedies to bare. And as you said, your daughter is grieving also. Children her age are caught in a developmental time warp. They are between seeing death as temporary and reversible and beginning to accept that it may be permanent. Nightmares, fear of losing someone else, anger and acting out regressive behavior to total denial are just some of the ways kids can express their grief.

If you visit our article section, there should be an article on children and the grieving process. Plus my next newsletter which is coming out soon will touch on this issue.

Know that first of all her behavior is not abnormal for a grieving child. Next, think about the implications of this for her. Am I going to die? Will my parents die? Do my parents still love me or only my brother? Why did this happen? There have to be a multitude of questions going through her mind. She'll also base some of her response on how you are responding to her. If you can't emotionally be there for her right now, see if you can set up a support system for her: friends, family members or a grief counselor.

Some cities have a center for children who have lost a family member. There are many things that can be done to help her grieve but you're important also. You're still actively grieving and maybe the best thing to do would be to concentrate on your own grief process. As you heal, so will she. Ask for support from others to help with this. This has to be the hardest thing you've ever encountered in your life. I am so sorry. Please explore our site, read the articles, post a message for support, come visit our grief chat rooms and receive support from others. If need be, seek professional help locally for your daughter and you. But most of all, know we're here and this is a safe place to talk about the pain.

Blessings,

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.