In July 1999 I found I was pregnant. My husband and I were so happy; he went to all the ultrasounds with me. It was the happiest day of our lives to see such a beautiful baby boy growing inside me. Then on November 21, 1999, when I was five and one-half months into the pregnancy, I went into the bathroom and some Jell-O like stuff came out. I called my doctors and they said, "Don't worry about it, honey." I felt relieved to hear that, but on November 22, 1999 I had cramps. I went to my doctor and she checked me. She left the room and came back and told me that my water sac was about to break. I started to cry; my worst nightmare had come true again. I called all my family and my husband, who was two hours away at work. They asked me if I wanted to save the baby. I said, "Yes," so they did an emergency C-section.

When I was in the recovery room and came to, I asked if the baby was okay. The nurse said, "The baby is okay and is at Valley Children's Hospital." I was so happy; my family came to visit me in the recovery Room. I told them that the baby was fine. They all started crying, but wouldn't tell me why. My husband then came in and told me that our baby boy had passed away. I freaked out and started to cry all over again. The doctors later came in and told me that they tried to revive him for 10 min but his lungs were not developed yet. My son weighed 1 pound 13 oz. He was beautiful. I had to stay in the hospital for three days and listen to all those babies crying. I saw how happy the other families were, and myfamily was so sad. Well, I had my son cremated and put him in the same urn as his brother. The urn stays right above my bed with their pictures. My family tells me to put the urn and pictures away, but I can?t; I can?t let go. My heart is so empty and I have no one to talk to. My feelings are bottled up inside me and I cry every day by myself.

So, Kathy, can you please help? I need support right now and don't have anybody to turn to. Could you please e-mail me and help me out? Thank you.