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Friday July 30,2010

I Came Seconds from Dying that Night

by Deb Sims, MS,RNCS,LCSW

Dear Deb:

It was homecoming night and a couple of friends and I went out to dinner. We did not intend to go to the dance, so after dinner we went to a friend's house to "party." A couple hours had passed when we heard that another friend was having a party. Only a few of us went to that party; some stayed behind. When we arrived at the party, there were a lot of people there. It was three o'clock in the morning, so my friend, her boyfriend and I decided we wanted to go home. The problem was that we needed a ride home. My friend was staying at her boyfriend's home; her boyfriend and I live in the same neighborhood. We asked around but nobody wanted to leave.

Finally, two friends (a guy and girl couple) said they could take us home. So all five of us got in the car and headed home. I made it home safe and sound, but not the other four. They dropped me off, and five houses down from me they swerved off the road, slamming into two big trees. My friend died right on the scene. Her boyfriend was in critical condition. The driver of the car died the next morning, and his girlfriend was in critical condition also. My friend's boyfriend now is in a wheelchair but hopefully will be walking in a couple years. The other girl had very bad brain damage, but she is doing very well now. She got her memory back about a month after the accident. It has been almost eight months since the accident. I came seconds from dying that night.

Dear Guilty:

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend, and for the trauma your friends and you have experienced. No one knows why one person is spared while another may not be. We just don't have answers for that. It sounds as if you may be experiencing some guilt since nothing happened to you. If I'm right, this is called "survivor's guilt." This happens when we somehow are saved and another is not. It is a natural emotion, but not a real guilt that you have to carry.

The main thing in all of this is that you gain compassion and an appreciation for life and how precious it is. When I was 12 my father died; what it did for me was to teach me to care when another is hurting. Your angels were watching over you that night. Be grateful, but let go of the guilt.

Blessings,

Deb

Debbie Sims is a Certified Clinical Nurse Specialist in Adult Psychiatric Nursing, has a Masters degree in Clinical Psychology, is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She maintains a private practice in counseling but her devotion is to her position as Editor for Beyond Indigo an Internet web site for those who are grieving.