I'm 25 years old and my father died Nov. 22 1999. He was the most influential person in my life and I am, of course, dealing with a tremendous amount of grief. My problem, however, and the question I am bringing to you relates to this sadness. It particularly involves my boyfriend of a year.

I need to retreat often to deal with my emotions; he wants me to retreat into him but I need to be alone. He feels overshadowed by my father and doesn't feel "first" in my life anymore. He's right. I miss and cry for dad every day. I need to be very selfish now and learn how to live my life without my father--a harder task than I realized, as I am finding just how much of a presence he was in my life.

I don't want to lose my boyfriend; however I just cannot deal with his insecurities. I realize he doesn't understand just how badly I am hurting. How do I relate this to him? Is there any literature I can give him to read? It is all I can do to help myself and my family at this time, and I resent the fact that he is making me exert myself to help him as well. I cannot take care of him too. How do I say this to him? I am growing and have changed into a new woman--a process which I know is just at its emerging stages. Am I growing "past" him? How do you include someone in such a personal journey, or should I just continue on alone?

I thank you for any advice you can give.