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Friday July 30,2010

When Sorrow Strikes: Gender Differences

by Staff Writer

Grief strikes when the mind is least prepared and causes much devastation. It doesn't see age or gender when it hits and wreaks havoc on the body, mind and soul. Seems strange then, that men and women, governed primarily by the basic dissimilarities of sex, react differently in different situations of grief. What actually goes on inside grieving minds (gender notwithstanding) is something which even experienced scientists find difficult to explain.

Men and women: why do they grieve differently?

Studies have showed that men and women have different emotional mechanisms that function differently given various circumstances. For instance, the worst form of sorrow that can strike a man and woman alike is the death of their offspring. The loss of a child almost amounts to loss of everything for the bereaved parents; yet, research has proved time and again that these two sexes react quite differently to the same calamity.

The main reason could be the roles that fathers and mothers play in the upbringing of their children. A mother is more emotionally involved with her child and lives through its every move, behavior, sorrow and joy. The father on the other hand, considers himself responsible for the safety and good upbringing of his progeny. He is more concerned about giving his child a good life, complete with the basic necessities and luxuries that are within his reach. Together, the parents involve themselves fully in the life of their offspring, though in their own different ways.

Given this difference in basic nature, between the two parents the child always looks up to its father as the stronger one, a protector with a capacity to fight all the evils that are present in the world. And while a mother is someone to cuddle up to at night, a father is He-Man, powerful enough to handle any crisis and reliable enough to rush to whenever a problem arises.

This primary difference makes it difficult for a father to openly express his grief at the loss of a child. Whereas a mother attached to her baby in flesh and blood, obviously reacts to the grief in a more violent way, the instant response being regret, accusation and anger towards fate and in most cases, her spouse. Could the fact that a father does not bear a child for nine months in his womb determine the intensity of grief he feels over its loss? Not quite.

Reacting to grief

Studies have revealed that fathers react in a very subtle but strong way to the loss of their offspring. The first and most obvious reaction is helplessness; a feeling of impotency against Destiny. While they seldom express their grief openly, most fathers take to the bottle to overcome their sorrow. Mothers on the other hand, usually have prolonged bouts of grief and some of them are even likely to go into depression following the death of their child.