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Friday July 30,2010

Making It Through A Couple Holiday

by Leandra Walker

I hadn't thought about it until I was watching TV last week. Suddenly the diamond ads that disappeared after Christmas were in my face again. "Tell her you'd marry her all over again." And "Three stones for your past, present and future." I wondered if I was supposed to remove two stones from my anni-versary ring, because I have only the past with John now, no present, no future.

Then I remembered: Valentine's Day, the one day when it feels like a crime not to be coupled up with someone. It was hard enough in high school, and it's more painful as a widow/er. No one will be sending roses to my office or chocolates to my door. I won't be going out to dinner or dancing.

This is one of those times when we have to decide what's best for us on that day. I have no single friends, so I can't invite someone out to eat. Probably wouldn't want to see all those happy couples around me in the restaurant, anyway. I'm really not part of the singles' scene, not mentally or emotion-ally, so those singles dances are out. So, what am I going to do?

I still have a few days. Maybe I'll do the reading for that new class I'm taking. Maybe I'll create a little ritual of remembrance of days past. John was never a romantic. If he brought me roses more than twice in our 30 years together, I sure can't remember it. But I could always light a candle and tell him how much I miss the baseball cards he'd bring me instead. I've done that in years past.

This year, though, I'm thinking of something different. I'm thinking that if Valentine's Day is all about love, why can't I spend the day showing love to the world. There are many kinds of love, and although we've lost our romantic partners, that doesn't mean there's no love in our lives. I can send cards to close friends, give those little hearts with words on them to the nephews, and send flowers to parents.

One of the most important forms of love for us on this journey is Self Love. We have to be gentle with ourselves, and love ourselves. So, why not give my-self the kind of love and pampering I deserve? Maybe a trip to the spa. Maybe a massage. Maybe just a bubble bath with candles lit all around. Or a special dinner cooked from scratch.

Only you can decide how to face this couples-day alone. But please do make plans of some kind for how you're going to get through. If it was an important day with your partner, it can be a difficult day now.

You know, this year I might even buy myself a present from him. I'm not thinking diamonds, but baseball cards.