Welcome Guest
Join here
Members Log-In
Privacy Policy

Friday September 10,2010

There Are Places I Remember

Continued

I made the meeting and now I no longer drive the long way around to avoid driving past it.

The grocery store was another place. Although I never avoided it, I did sometimes find myself crying in the aisles over some treat that John loved that I knew I'd never have reason to buy again.

I still can't make myself go to the Eastern States Exposition in Springfield. Our last visit, John was in a wheelchair and far too ill to really enjoy it, although I have great memories of previous years there.

I haven't attended a Brimfield Antiques Market since he died, either. Three times a year, dealers from all over fill the town. The first few years, we walked for hours over several days, trying to see everything. John bought walkie-talkies so we could find each other among the miles and miles of vendors. But the last time, we went with a friend who could push John's chair over the rutted dirt and gravel paths. It makes me too sad to go alone.

Some of these places I may never visit again. Others, I know I must get past the feelings and allow myself to heal or I will cripple my life. In the end, I must make ordinary places and things ordinary again. Steeling myself against the pain and making the effort is the only way that will happen. And it's the only way to get back to a normal life again.