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Friday July 30,2010

Dr. Phil's Help

by Jim Balthazor

I thought I would talk this week about something that I saw on television the other day. It was a Dr. Phil show. I found this show to be interesting because it was about child loss. I watched because when Dr. Phil's Show was first starting we were approached by his staff to see if we were interested in telling our story. It became apparent that they were looking for a family that was feeling low and needed Dr. Phil's "help" in "moving on" with their life and "letting go". I told the person I talked with at the time that although people can feel healing and start to feel good, there really isn't a moment when they can completely move on and the words letting go, well if you are a parent that has lost a child, you know what feelings those words conjure up.

Well to my surprise those were the words that Dr. Phil used through out his session with parents that had lost a beautiful little 3 year old in a drowning accident. He told a story about how the little boy was in heaven and couldn't walk with God in his beautiful garden because he needed to have a lighted candle and the candle couldn't stay lit because his mother's tears kept putting the candle out.. Really, Dr. Phil, you shouldn't venture where you have no clue.

I watched as the father and the mother were made to say on national TV that they wanted to let go of their child. What Dr. Phil should have been talking about was letting go of the pain and remembering all the joy that their beau-tiful little boy brought them. Maybe that was what he was trying to say, but because he hasn't been through this it was coming out all wrong. The child wouldn't have wanted to leave his mother and father in such pain. Although the father acted like he moved on and intimated to Dr. Phil that he had, every time the child's name was mentioned he had tears in his eyes and could hardly talk. I am sorry, but two years was not that long after the death of their little boy. Dr. Phil should have said so many other things, but in his special manner said everything that most parents who have lost a child cringe when they hear, "Move On" and "Let Go".

I am not sure how those parents will feel after the show, but I can't imagine that they are going to be fulfilled by what they went through. You can't solve problems like that in 10 sound bites on TV. They should know that the child was a bright light in their lives for 3 years and during that 3 years enriched their lives beyond belief. They should know that in time the pain will ease and they can guide their pain in other ways that would help remember their child in positive ways, such as water safety. They should