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Sunday May 11,2008

Losing A Child & Depression

by Jim Balthazor

Hello everyone, well we have experienced the 2 year mark here recently and that old cloud of depression and sadness has found a spot to reside for a while. I wish it wasn't that way, but I have found the there are things that do depress my family and myself about Kirk's death. As a family we try to do things that perk us up and we can get that accomplished, but still there are the times that just are down. I have asked Cindy Dix, RN to talk about depressions and what we experience and some ways that we can combat it. She knows better than most because her son Donny was killed in a car accident like my son Kirk was.

Depression is going to happen when you lose a child, I am afraid that is a forgone conclusion. We can't let it take over our lives, but we can understand that we will experience it and we will have bouts with it at key times. We can overcome it and should. If it is something that can't be overcome then professional help is needed.

Symptoms of Depression which are also Normal Aspects of Grief.

They are:

• Withdrawal

• Decreased energy

• Dependency

• Sadness

• Shame

• Lack of concentration

• Lack of concern for self

• Inability to enjoy usual activities

• Feelings of meaninglessness

• Decreased sexual desire

• Feelings of helplessness

• Feelings of abandonment

• Feelings of being out of control

• Apathy

• Regression

• Loneliness

• Ambivalence

• Disorganization

• Somatic problems

  Depression by Cindy Dix, R.N.

  Feelings of depression and despair after the loss of a loved one, esp. a child are normal but very confusing for the person experiencing this, as well as those around them.

  For the parent who lost a child after a long battle with an illness, it is normal to feel that they could have or should have done more, tried yet a different doctor, or not have tried that experimental med, or perhaps to have tried it. For the parent losing a child to a sudden tragic accident, the feelings of guilt range from "I should have stopped it, I should have drove, I should have........ These guilty feelings felt in both situations are normal, we are the protectors and caretakers of our children, and when things go wrong we blame ourselves. If other parties are involved in our child's death, (a doctor's possible negligence, or a negligent child care worker, or negligent driver) it puts a different twist on our feelings, leaving us angry, but with a focus.

  If our child's death was due to their own poor judgment, there is no ONE person to place the blame and the guilt abounds.

  On the Loss of Child boards we have talked numerous times about our feelings of depression and despair after the deaths of our children. Society places a huge burden on our backs for these feelings, believing we should snap out of it.......life goes on........ we have other children, or perhaps we could have another baby.

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