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Friday September 10,2010

Caregiving: Longterm care & self-care.

Continued

2) As boomers and their parents age, there are many more community resources, TV news segments and books available to help you to determine courses of action and care that are best for your family.

3) Find a good geriatric specialist to consult with, and perhaps a wise, compassionate geriatric psychotherapist for your Mom to explore and release some of her own sadness, anger, need for assistance and reassurance. In some cases, antidepressant medications may be appropriate, but that's a physician's decision and should be monitored closely. Dosing seniors is very, very different from younger adults. Body chemistry changes too. 4) Invest a little time in yourself. Look around your home and choose a manageable project you would like to begin. (New bed linens? A picture you've been meaning to frame? Paint a room?)

5) Put together a family photo album of very special memories, and really get into it! Cry, laugh, journal as you do... Remember, every day, who's in there, who your father is, was and always will be for you, regardless of his present condition.

6) Make copies of all those photographs and compile a colorful, cheerful book for your father to enjoy too. Perhaps it will connect him to those he loves, and help him to remember brighter times. Include lots of pictures of you, your mom, siblings, children, pets, vacations. Introduce soothing music from "the good old days" for fun.

7) Scheduled at least one pleasure daily for yourself--no exceptions. (Massage, exercise, lunch with a friend, sports, time to journal, cry, nap.)

8) Health care providers may never have known him when he was himself. Place photos of your dad in better times on his night-table, kitchen counter, etc. They will introduce those who care for him to who's really in there. These may help you and your father too. I once saw an aged woman sporting a "button" her kids made her, with a photo of her laughing, wind-blown, on a ski trip. It told quite a story..

9) You will be (and have been) knocked off-center many times in this process of caring for a parent who is not happy and is changing in ways that are sad and confusing. Find someone skilled in your situation to talk with for some counseling. You deserve it, and good professional counseling can provide unbiased perspective and support for all the emotions you are experiencing as you try to make your parents' lives as comforting and peaceful and safe as you can.

10) Long-term illness tends to pull families together, or tear them apart. Spend time talking with, and listening to, your children. Listen between the words, and let them know that you are sad, but reasure them that you are taking good care of yourself at the same time. We never know when hard times will befall us and your example can help them to cope throughout a lifetime.

In their own confusing way, these too are precious days with your parents .... Live each one in ways that will allow you to respect yourself when you look back. You'll be glad you did.

I wish you warm moments of comfort with those you love, all the time you need to do what you want to do, and above all, peace...

Susie

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Stress-relief expert Susie Mantell's award-winning relaxation CD, "Your Present: A Half-Hour of Peace," soothes stress, sleeplessness, depression, grief and work-related, health-related and traumatic stress. Featured by The Los Angeles Times, NCB,ABC-TV, Memorial Sloan-Kettering, Canyon Ranch ("BEST SPA") and distinguished medical centers, Susie customizes programs for Fortune 500 companies, The Arthritis Foundation, New York Hospital --Columbia/Cornell, The National Conference on Loss. Her work appear in Cosmopolitan, Town & Country, medical journals and syndicated press.

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