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Monday May 12,2008

Ways to Help Children

by Unknown

As in all situations, honesty is the best way to deal with children. Talk to the child in a language that he can understand. Remember to listen to the child and try to understand what the child is saying and, just as importantly, what he's not saying. Children need to feel that the death is an open subject and that they can express their thoughts or questions as they arise. Below are just a few ways adults can help children face the death of someone close to them.

1.THE CHILD'S FIRST CONCERN MAY BE "WHO IS GOING TO TAKE CARE OF ME NOW."

(A) Maintain usual routines as much as possible.

(B) Show affection, and assure the child that those who love him still do and that they will take care of him.

2.THE CHILD WILL PROBABLY HAVE MANY QUESTIONS AND MAY NEED TO ASK THEM AGAIN AND AGAIN.

(A) Encourage the child to ask questions and give honest, simple answers that can be understood. Repeated questions require patience and continued expression of caring.

(B) Answers should be based on the needs the child seems to be expressing, not necessarily on the exact words used.

3.THE CHILD WILL NOT KNOW APPROPRIATE BEHAVIOUR FOR THE SITUATION.

(A) Encourage the child to talk about his feelings and share with him how you feel. You are a model for how one expresses feelings. It is helpful to cry. It is not helpful to be told how one should or should not feel.

(B) Allow the child to express his caring for you. Loving is giving "and" taking.

4.THE CHILD MAY FEAR THAT HE ALSO MAY DIE OR HE SOMEHOW CAUSED THE DEATH.

(A) Reassure the child about the cause of the death and explain that any thoughts he may have had about the person who died did "not" cause the death.

(B) Reassure him that this does "not" mean someone else he loves is likely to die soon.

5.THE CHILD MAY WISH TO BE A PART OF THE FAMILY RITUALS.

(A) Explain these to him and include him in deciding how he will participate. Remember that he should be prepared beforehand, told what to expect, and have a supporting adult with him. Do not force him to do anything he doesn't feel comfortable doing.

6.THE CHILD MAY SHOW REGRESSIVE BEHAVIOUR.

(A) A common reaction to stress is reverting to an earlier stage of development. (For example, a child may begin thumb sucking, or bed wetting; or, may need to go back into diapers or have a bottle for a time). Support the child in this and keep in mind that these regressions are temporary.

Adults can help prepare a child to deal with future losses of those who are significant by helping the child handle smaller losses through sharing their feelings when a pet dies or when death is discussed in a story or on television.

In helping children understand and cope with death, remember four key concepts: Be Loving, Be Accepting, Be Truthful and Be Consistent.

The above article is by an unknown author. Many times articles have come our way and the orginal author did not make all the transitions in the above article's journey. If you know the author of the above article please email feedback@beyondindigo.com.